Past Post Highlights

Reflecting over the past can be fun, which is why I like that I started this blog to see how my views have changed and evolved. I decided to go through my past posts and highlight a few sentences that stood out to me the most. It also helps as a reminder for myself that I know more and have it more together than I think. This covers from I started in 2020, stopped and then restarted in 2023, and up until this years posts. 

 

The start..

November 2020

We might doubt ourselves but all we need to do is continue on and then at the end you see that you were doing it right all along, it just didn't look like it midway through. I think we can apply this to many other processes in our lives. Like the healing process. Everything has a process. 

~Trust the process post

 

It is really easy to give up and lose your confidence when you don't even trust your own memory. 

Music is tied to our emotions in so many ways- even in our brains. That is something I have always understood. I feel a lot of emotions when I listen to music, especially if it is tied to a fond memory of mine. Or even if it was a song I really liked in a movie. 

I love that music can make you feel, make you remember a moment, or help you escape. Music is there for you no matter where or when. That is why I love having Spotify. I have access to my music at all times. 

~Music post

 

So while I started this blog mainly for something to do during quarantine, I also made it because I don't want to be afraid to put myself out there anymore. It doesn't matter how hard you try, someone is going to find something to judge you about but that is a reflection of them not you. So don't be afraid to be your authentic, weird, nerdy, awkward self. 

We tend to forget that we are in control of our life and instead put the blame on outside forces, which I admit that I am guilty of myself. But the truth is that we are in control of our reactions, thoughts, emotions, and body. No one else. And we have more control over all of that than we think. 

~ Intro-Read first:] post 

 

I have dealt with a lot of mental health issues, as many have this year, but I honestly think/hope that many good things will come from that horrid year. Either you are going to let it spiral you downhill or you are going to rise above it. 

But reflecting back on 2020 as a whole, I feel like it has really shown us just how resilient we are. Just think about all the things that had to adapt and change with the virus and quarantine.

I used to stay far away from anything politics. But many things that happened in 2020 opened my eyes to things I had not seen before. Maybe 2020 was the year I fully matured and grew up. Many people proved since 2021 started that they have did not do any maturing at all in 2020. In fact, instead of progressing it seemed like to me we regressed and stepped back in time. But that is just my opinion. 

~2020 post 

 

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Blog Re-vamped 2023

 

I have been my own worst enemy my whole life. I am a perfectionist and my harshest critic. I am slowly trying to do better but that is how it has always been so it will take time. All my life I have given other people more slack than I ever gave myself. Anytime I made a mistake or got in trouble I was really hard on myself, but not to other people. I would give advice to others that I would not apply to myself. 

The harsh truth is that you can stop being physically around bullies but you can never escape your mind. And when your mind is your bully then that is when it becomes a problem. 

If you do not fully deal with your trauma you are likely to pass it on to someone else without even realizing it. I have heard of generational trauma being passed down, which I think explains a lot about society today. 

~Depression  post

 

Somehow the virus became politicized instead of being taken seriously and we continue to pay the price for it.

When anxiety is heightened it is easy to jump to conclusions about things and believe things that might not be true- like conspiracy theories or other forms of misinformation that gets easily spread on the internet. It seems like this year has been crazy with wild stories and it became harder to decipher fact from fiction.

Sometimes personal sacrifices have to be made for the greater good. But unfortunately, it seems like these days people care less and less about the 'greater good' and only about themselves. A simple thing like wearing a mask is too much of an inconvenience.

~Virus post

 

We are very quick to judge others who are different than us or who seem what we would call 'crazy' or 'weird'. In the past I think we looked down on the mentally ill because we didn't understand the human mind like we do today. 

Not everyone is open about their mental health for their own reasons and that is okay. I do not think anyone should feel obligated to tell their story but for the ones that do, even if they do not go into huge detail, it helps not only you but anyone who might be experiencing something similar. 

If you think about it, you are the only version of you that will ever be. We all have different pasts and experiences that we rely on to make decisions. We all experience things in different ways. 

I think we need easier and more affordable access to it. Getting a job does not always mean you will have access to affordable mental health benefits. Even with insurance therapy can be expensive. Though to be honest even with insurance a lot of medical things are still expensive.

~Mental Health post 

 

I believe children are smarter than what we give them credit for but we also need to keep in mind that they are still children. They are not always going to act like you want them to. 

Everyone seems to think they are an expert on how to raise children just because they have raised some. But every child is different so one thing might not work for all. 

~Parents post

 

When my anxiety got really bad, I would tell myself to 'fact check those feelings' to come back. 

~ Anxiety post 

  

The area where you grew up plays a huge part in shaping your worldview which you do not fully realize until you venture away from that environment for awhile.

Looking up at the mountains I get the same feeling when looking up at the stars and it really puts my life and everything into prospective. You are reminded just how small and insignificant you are. 

Sometimes seeing other people's point of view helps you notice things that you don't normally notice in your worldview. 

~Travel post 

 

I like to pick up certain rocks from special places we visit as a way of bringing a piece of it back with me. I keep one at my desk so what I am feeling stressed or just want to reminisce about Colorado I have it right there. 

Somehow this place was able to reach down and make me feel a little spark of hope. I am not sure if it was specifically Colorado or just being out in nature/in the mountains but it has been special to me ever since.

~Mountains post 

 

Growing plants from seeds taught me that, similar to humans, all plants grow at different rates and have different needs in order to thrive. It really is another lesson in trusting the process.

So now when a plant dies, I try not to get too hard on myself so I continue doing it and don’t give up. I can try to figure out what maybe I did wrong and do better next time, but that is all I can do. I also don’t want to be too careless and start killing every plant either. It is all about balance. 

During the growing process it is important to remove any dead branches and leaves so energy can be used for new growth instead. This is similar to when we change and there are old parts of ourselves that we need to leave behind to make space for new. 

Noticing more of the plants and nature around you helps you be more present and to get out of your head.

~Plants post 

 

I do not believe in magic as we think of it. Objects moving out of thin air, casting spells, etc. are really cool to imagine but to me, magic exists in the real world as nature. I really think how plants and animals just exist and grow naturally is magical.

The more I learn about nature the more I realize how things are all connected and there is a delicate balance between everything. Disturb one thing and other things suffer. This is similar to life and dealing with your health.

Eventually the more we neglect nature and shrink their living spaces they are going to react and we might not like how they do that. I already think that is what kickstarted COVID, but what do I know.

Sometimes I wonder when we will realize it is time to stop being stuck in our own world and start getting serious about taking care of this planet we are on now. Maybe the billionaires will be able to afford moving to another planet but not everyone. The distrust in science and climate change is frustrating to me and only puts us further behind. If people really cared about the future generation and the unborn, what about the future of the planet they are going to live on? 

~Nature post 

 

When you put your trust in the wrong person and they hurt you then you might start questioning yourself more often as you no longer trust yourself.

I have a hard time trusting strangers but I also want to give people the benefit of the doubt because I want others to do the same with me.

Not all adults and people in charge are to be trusted and do not always have your best interest at heart. There are people out there that have no regard for other people but themselves.

~Trust post 

 

Watching cats explore and interact with the world is very meditative and Zen to me. It really does help me get out of head sometimes.

Sometimes the things you originally want to happen don’t turn out how you had planned, but end up even better than you thought.

~Spooky Boy post

 

Some might say I am anti-social or shy and that might be true, but I also value the energy I put into things and usually prefer to listen and observe. Communicating and socializing takes a lot of energy for me, but it seems like, to survive in this world, you must thrive on it.

The bad thing about a bunch of noise out in the world is that it makes it harder to hear the important stuff; the stuff you can identify with, that is meaningful to you. You almost have to know where to find it.  

I think many of us get caught up in searching for any type of meaningful connection that we sometimes settle for the noise. But the meaningless noise is not sustainable for us as humans. We need deeper connection in order to thrive.

I don’t think many people know what a meaningful connection looks like. That is why it is important for others to be comfortable enough to be their authentic selves so they can easily find others to connect with. 

~Noise post 

 

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2024

 

Time isn’t real but memories are.

Sometimes we want to stop time to enjoy a moment and make it last as long as possible because those are the moments that always seem to go by the fastest. Does that mean we shouldn’t still cherish them or have them?

Learning to trust the process means you no longer feel the desire to control future outcomes but remain in the present moment and embrace uncertainty. 

Around the time you realize you would give anything for some of it back, it is usually too late. So why don’t we spend it wiser?

As hard as all the losses have been, they taught me to appreciate the time I do have which I will never get back. You never know when the last time will be until after it is too late. 

~Time post 

 

Rejection always felt personal to me when it should not have been. Other people should have the freedom to say no to you without fear. But I always took it as there was something inherently wrong with me, which was not rational.

Fear and anger usually are best friends and team up with self-sabotage to make your life hell. Be careful when you run into them.

The movie showed me how destructive and scary anger can be. It pushes people away and makes you become a person you do not want to be. I know when I was super depressed, I had unexplained anger at the littlest things. Angry people are not born angry or decide one day they are going to be an angry person.

~Fear & Anger post 

 

I felt super ashamed of my feelings for girls I did not even let them surface. I wanted to just blend in with everyone else, I did not want to deal with bullies.

People like to start gatekeeping and say you can’t be called that label unless you look or do this or being pushy about certain things but that is not what the community is about.

Contrary to what others make you believe, there is no official committee or anything that publishes specific definitions of labels. You do not get to dictate what someone else decides to call themselves or how they define it.

~Pride post 

 

My issue was that I did not want to ‘worship’ anyone or anything and wanted to stay away from anything close to organized religion but I also really need the routine and guidance that organized religion has. 

It is easy to overthink spirituality and get caught up in the aesthetics- I admit to buying too many card decks and books, though I regret nothing. What I learned is that, kind of like the healing process, it can be however complicated or involved as you want to be. You decide how serious you want to take it and get to set the pace but still have to make the time for it.

~Witch post 

 

What I loved about dance is that you can totally get lost in the moment and flow of the music. If you are really into the music, it becomes really hard not to move to it.

Dancing has a way of making you so emotional just by moving to a song. There is so much you can say without saying a word.

Maybe if we get out of our heads and try to trust the process more, we can surprise ourselves by being better at it than we thought.

~Dance post 

 

You think bullies are only on school playgrounds or something only the younger generation deals with until you become one yourself.

If someone is intent on misunderstanding me and believing whatever they want then I will no longer deny their reality. Believe whatever you want. But I am also free to not follow your beliefs and slowly distance myself. 

~Bully post 

 

I believe it is possible to love multiple people for different reasons and in different ways. Every person is different and has different things they like or dislike, which is totally valid and should be respected.

I was not always polyamorous and I respect people who are monogamous. I do not believe everyone should be poly but I wish it was more widely accepted or known so there is less shame. There are other options out there than what you usually see in the world.

Sometimes jealousy comes from a feeling of possessiveness that seems to be the considered ‘normal’ in relationships, which I do not agree with. Another person is not your property to do with as you please.

There is this pressure for it to last forever, but I do not think that is realistic. A person goes through many changes throughout their life and so does the person they are with. 

~Love post 

 

I lost faith in a lot of humanity during covid with the push back on wearing masks and getting vaccinated. Everyone kept thinking it was about control but really it was a simple preemptive measure for public safety that seemed to be so hard to understand.

I have a tendency to talk more about change than doing it and I think that is many of us when it comes to our government.

~Faith post 

 

For me personally I am attracted to both but that does not mean I want to date both or everyone I see. Preferences, like sexuality and gender, is fluid and can change though. As much as it was a struggle for me, it is even tougher to be a non-straight guy in this world. 

A lot of what we experience as humans I believe we were never equipped to handle and should never have had to in the first place so it makes sense that we will need help sometimes, regardless of gender. Yet it seems to me like mental health is more freely shared and talked about between women than men.

 ~Genders post

 

Honestly, I believe there is more harm in avoiding dark things than the dark things themselves. When we avoid it so much it becomes a bigger, worse thing than it actually is. 

Some people are just evil and do evil things. It is all about power, which I think we as humans hold onto the most when more things are out of our control.

~Scary movies post 

 

Reading takes you to another world as a way to escape from the limitations of your own life. It allows you to immerse yourself in another world. I think that is why fantasy and science fiction is so popular, honestly. It helps to escape the mundane world we live in. 

~Books and Reading post 

 

I still have to remind myself to slow down because we are human beings, not machines.

We continue to bend over backwards for sales today, many times to the detriment of the employees.

Sometimes you have to convert pain to purpose and use that injustice and anger you feel to fuel your passion for change to do better. I can slow down and still be productive, happy, and moving forward. 

Having animals makes me appreciate the small things in life because time with them goes by so fast and can be up at any moment as their lives are so much shorter than ours. 

~Cats and Being Still post 

 

While riding on a mountain bike trail I went through a couple corners really fast and I remember thinking that they were scary but fun like life.

I noticed from mountain biking that I seem to work against myself a lot so I have to work that much harder to counteract or correct, which is a pattern I notice in life too.

Mountain biking essentially incorporates biking and nature into something fun and challenging.  I really enjoy just being in the moment and zoning out. 

~Biking post