Time
Time is always moving forward. It never stops. No matter
what you or I or anyone wants. You can always count on time to keep going. We
can never go back and we can never fast-forward. No matter what you want, time
keeps going. Somethings get better with time, but not everything. If you are
avoiding something in the past you need to deal with, things usually get worse
with time until they are fully healed. Sometimes we get so stuck in the past that,
even when we are in the present moment, in our minds we might not be. Sometimes
we want to stop time to enjoy a moment and make it last as long as possible
because those are the moments that always seem to go by the fastest. Does that
mean we shouldn’t still cherish them or have them?
Watching the show Doctor Who gave me a whole new perspective
on time, the past, future and, what it means to be human. Even though it’s a
show about a time-traveling alien. Go figure. In the past I had never been into
aliens or science fiction TV shows so I never thought I would like it as much
as I do but I really love it. I really wish The Doctor was real. I would totally
join them as a companion. Can you imagine traveling to whenever you wanted-
past, present, or future (minus your own timeline)? Where/when would you go? What
would you do?
You really only have one place you have control over and
that is the present. So why do we spend so much time in the past or worrying
about the future? I know I am hard on myself for past mistakes I can’t undo,
which makes making decisions in the present that much harder. The kicker is we
learn best by experience. Or at least I do. Well, most of the time. Sometimes
multiple times before I realize the lesson. But I guess somethings are only
learned with time and patience with ourselves.
Learning to trust the process means you no longer feel the desire
to control future outcomes but remain in the present moment and embrace uncertainty.
Rushing through things is not trusting the process. Trying to control things you
cannot control is not trusting the process. Reflecting back there have been
many times where, if I had just given it a little bit more time, things could
have gone a lot better than they did. But instead, I made a choice to intervene
and things did not turn out as well in the end. I have learned the hard way in
the past that things take their own time to develop. Remember your past as
proof of what you can make it through and focus on the lesson learned from it rather
than the loss/failure. Time and energy are wasted focusing on what you cannot change.
Sometimes I fret over remembering exactly when something happened
(thank you History teachers!) but really it is the memories that stand out in
our minds. Through the hard times I also find a lot of good memories made that I
am grateful for having. One day while
thinking about how time is a construct and impossible to keep up with, I thought
up the phrase ‘Time isn’t real but memories are’ which really resonated with
me. Remembering who you were with and what you were feeling and doing is more
important than the miniscule details. Even if it came to nothing in the end,
you still have the memories and what you gained from it that matters.
As time goes on, things change, including people. I am not
as scared of getting older and aging as many others are, though I can understand
why. There is a lot that sucks about getting old. But it is not all negative. Being
‘old’ just means you have lived through many times where the world was different
and with that you carry a very unique perspective versus younger people living
in today’s world. To me, it is an honor to get older because of the people we
lost who no longer get to age. As time goes on, we learn more about the world
and how to navigate it better to hopefully pass onto future generations. I think
both the older and younger generations can learn a lot from each other, but we
usually end up letting pride and ego get in the way. Maybe that will get better
with time.
You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back.
~ Harvey MacKay
Time is a currency you never get back. It is a part of life
just as death is a part of life. It is inevitable. Fighting against time, you
will never win. Around the time you realize you would give anything for some of
it back, it is usually too late. So why don’t we spend it wiser? Knowing what
we do of time you would think we would be more present in our lives but I see
many, including me, still reliving their past. Like we are stuck on an
unbeatable level in a video game. But the only way forward is through.
When I was younger it seemed like time was moving so fast. Before
I knew it, the years were flying by and became too hard to keep up with. To
help in therapy this past year (2023), I decided to put together a timeline so I
created an excel spreadsheet with a list of all the big events that have happened
in my life over the years, which was eye-opening seeing altogether. I added vacations,
concerts and other important events as well to get the whole picture. It helped
me to realize what all I have been through and all the loss I experienced, even
before 2020. As hard as all the losses have been, they taught me to appreciate the
time I do have which I will never get back. You never know when the last time will
be until after it is too late.
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