Trust the process

I used to bite my nails down really bad (like really) for most of my life. My husband joked that I didn't have nails I had nubs 😄. It was a bad habit that started when I was younger and then it just kind of stuck. I didn't do it because I was nervous, or at least it didn't seem like that. Most of the time I was doing it without even thinking or noticing. It was like a compulsion for me. Family and friends tried to help me quit and I tried a few things as well but I never fully stopped. I figured since I had done it for so long that I would never quit and fighting against it just seemed to cause more frustration so I gave up. Since I didn't have nails I thought I could never get a manicure or anything at the salon. Plus I was too self-conscious about them to ever even step in a salon. I do not even have a picture to show how bad it was because I was so embarrassed by them.  

9/2/23 Edit- I found a picture of my thumb to show how bad my nails were.. 

Last year a friend introduced me to dip powder nails after she got hers done at the the salon in town. They looked really nice and she told me about how they last really long and I thought it was pretty cool. She tried to get me to go with her a few times but I was too lazy and embarrassed at first. Then my husband got in on it too and suggested we all go together and I gave in. I was still skeptical they could do anything with what I had but she was convinced they could. Well she was right- they were able to add tips to my nubs and dip on that. And just like that I had nails- I couldn't believe it. You have to understand it had been such a long time since I had nails so it was strange at first. I had to relearn to do everything with my fingers. If anyone has ever had gotten some really long nails put on then you understand the adjustment. I didn't get them really long but they were past the tip a bit. I think I chose like a glittery green dip color. I loved them so much I did not even get a picture of them or else I would share.

The nails lasted for 3 weeks or so and I decided to go back to get them redid again. The way the dip is on my nails prevented me from biting them. It is too hard and thick to really do any damage even if I did. I still picked at them if there was a rough spot but I also wanted to keep them nice. I felt fancy with them being done. I only had to get them redone a few more times before my natural nails had completely grown out underneath the dip so I didn't need tips. My real nails! I debated still getting them done but the whole reason I was going to the salon was to have them do tips. And plus the cost of doing it was adding up. So I researched how to remove them then just painted them for a while. I actually had some old nail polish that worked but I ended up buying some new ones too. It was fun picking out new colors- made me feel like a child again. 

I did that for a while until my friend started to dip her own nails with product at home which I became curious about. I had heard about this company with good reviews called Revel that had dip powders you could buy online for home use, which she started using. Their powders were really pretty so I was tempted to get on it too but my nails were a little thin after getting the dip removed so I wanted to give them a break and just paint them awhile longer until they grew out stronger. Watching her do her nails though I was also a little intimated by the whole process at first because there are a lot of steps and tricks to get down. So I was happy to just stick to bettering my nail polishing skills, which had less steps and was not a new process. 

For Christmas last year I got my first dip starter kit. I was excited to start doing it, though I didn't at first until a few months later so my nails could heal more. After awhile of being lazy during quarantine I decided to jump into it since I had all this time on my hands (no pun intended?). The starter kit had everything I needed- liquids, powder, and dipping tray so I . My first set wasn't that bad. There was a lot to learn though, like the cuticle area, as you can see below. 

With dip there is an tendency to make it too thick so you have to keep that in mind. The whole process took me quite a while but I enjoyed them after. The thing about doing dip though is that during the process when you look at your nails you might think 'am I sure that I am doing this right because it does not look like it right now'. We might doubt ourselves but all we need to do is continue on and then at the end you see that you were doing it right all along, it just didn't look like it midway through. I think we can apply this to many other processes in our lives. Like the healing process. Everything has a process. 

There were so many times learning the dip process that I almost rage quit- I didn't think I was going to get it all down. I joined a few Facebook nail dip groups which helped but I also kept comparing my progress with everyone else's. I didn't give up though and instead I kept learning better ways to do things. The main enemy with dip is lifting on the edges, which I had a problem with at first but I kept trying different ideas from the group until lifting was not a problem anymore. I don't always do a perfect job but I have my own system down now and everytime I do them I feel accomplished. I have always been a perfectionist and hard on my self but when I start to doubt myself I look down at my nails that I did myself and I realize how far I have come. And then when I remove the dip and look at my natural nails they are a source of pride to me that I will always have with me. Even when I do not have dip or polish on them I do not bite them, which is something I never thought I would be able to do. Not even when I am super anxious or sad, though there were a couple of times I came close. 

I prefer to have them short rather than long and I always keep a nail file around so I am not tempted to pick at them. I am usually not a girlie girl at all but I honestly believe I will always be doing dip on my nails. I did get really into it- I started buying a bunch of different dip colors, sold some of mine, and even started mixing my own colors! I have probably spent way too much on powders-I have more than I really need to last me forever but I consider it a major part of my self-care routine. I would rather be doing this than not and going back to biting them. Especially now with Covid nail biting would not be a good thing-haha. From growing them out to learning how to do them myself, I feel very proud of myself and I want to continue to learn new techniques or designs I can do. There is always something new to learn and things I need to perfect but if I just keep trusting in the process and in myself then I can do anything I set my mind to. Sorry to get deep there. Lastly, here a few of my favorites- I love the glow in the dark ones!